


Wicked McHotpants and Dirk Rockbody Save The Day

by duh_i_write



Category: Dollhouse
Genre: Bad Fic, Crack, F/F, Femslash, Gen, Mary Sue, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-28
Updated: 2010-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:36:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duh_i_write/pseuds/duh_i_write
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Dollhouse needed <i>real</i> heroes. Intentional bad fic featuring Gary Sue, Mary Sue femslash kissing, terrible similes and the overuse of words ending in -ly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wicked McHotpants and Dirk Rockbody Save The Day

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the lj comm whedonland for the badfic challenge and 4th place winner.

  
"Umm, who are you, mysterious sexy women in all black?"

"Sush." She pushed Topher against the wall with one arm, whipping a collapsible baton out of her impossibly high curly mohawk. A moment later some dude in a olive green jacket stepped out from the shadows and she clubbed him in the neck, hard.

"Woah, that was wicked awesome!"

"Awesome is my middle name." She pointed to a badge sewn on the front of her catsuit, above the Rossum emblem: 'Wicked A. McHotpants'".

Behind her, a eerily familiar doll took off down the stairs. "Holy crap-"

"Yes, Alpha is loose in the house, having conned Agent Ballard here," she nudged the guy on the floor with her foot as she touched her ear. "Rockbody, he's here. Don't move."

The lithe women back flipped off the banister onto the atrium floor. Topher rushed over, just in time to see her hi-kick Alpha into the fist of the similarly catsuit clad and utility belted Durk Rockbody. Alpha dodged the punch, hitting Rockbody in the chest like boxer. McHotpants slipped an arm around Alpha's neck and choked the stocky sociopath unconscious.

"What's going on here?" Dr Saunders hurried out on the floor, stopping short of Alpha's limp body.

"Nothin' to worry about, ma'am," Rockbody said in a deep tenner. McHotpants starred at Saunders dreamily. In the distance, a piano played.

"What happened to your face?" McHotpants asked.

"Alpha happened," Topher called out, before everyone forgot about him.

"You're in luck," Rockbody said, "Rossum genetically altered our saliva to have healing properties. I'm sure my partner would be happy to help."

"I like having my-' McHotpants took two steps forward and licked the scar on Saunder's nose.

Dr Saunders moaned like she was in a classy porno movie as McHotpants licked the rest of the scars. Each scar retreated like a watercolor left out in the rain, leaving only smooth skin behind.

"I think I read a fanfic like this once," Topher said to one one in particular.

"I was in a fanfic like this once." Boyd walked out of the shadows playing a tiny piano.

"Where did you...? Never mind. Who are these people?"

They both looked down, McHotpants was 'healing' Saunder's tongue. Dirk Rockbody talked on his iphone.

Boyd shrugged. "Genetically altered ninja super soldiers."

Topher pouted like a rich girl denied money from her parents. "No one told me."

"No one aside from Dewitt, myself and the author knew."

"The who?"

**ME. THE ALL-KNOWING AUTHOR.**

"Omgwtfpolarbear? You're not the Creator."

**I KNOW. I'VE KIDNAPPED YOU ALL TO DO MY BIDDING AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.**

"Oh-kaaay. Can you bid me a juice box and a bag of Sunchips?"

Instantly, a cranberry apple juice box and a bag of cheddar Sunchips appeared in Topher's hand.

"Wicked awesome!"

Down below, McHotpants lifted her head from Saunders' neck. "Did somebody call my name?"


End file.
